A few weeks back I saw Vladimir Putin on tv blathering on and on, spinning a tale about how the passenger jet MH17 was not shot down by the Russians, and it suddenly occurred to me that I was not actually hearing his voice. I was hearing the voice of the interpreter. There was a point in the broadcast where the interpreter had finished interpreting, and Putin was still talking, his voice unobstructed, scraping across the atmosphere like a weasel digging itself out of a wooden shoe box.
(??? Wooden shoe box?!...think of all the jobs that would be created if we would just sign on to the 'wooden shoe box industry'..)...(Who put this weasel in my best wooden shoe box?!)
When I heard his actual voice, it didn't sound like what I thought it would sound like.
It seemed softer and more mellow then I had imagined it....(I mean, not that I regularly 'imagine' the voices of evil dictators or anything like that...)...it's just that his actual voice didn't sound as evil as I had assumed it would.
Sometimes you can't really tell who's evil and who's not by the sound of their voices.
Speaking of pure evil, every time someone asks me to read their poem(s), my brain glazes over.
It just does and there's very little I can do about it. It happens automatically and without any prompt other than a voice calling out in the wilderness,
"Hey, wanna hear this poem I wrote?"
The thing is that average poetry, written by the average person, is horrible, and taken way too seriously for my liking. Most times I don't feel like these poems are a true representation of the authors voice.
Just to be clear, you're not the first person to compare the depth and beauty of your love to an ocean...come on aspiring poets...(is 'poet' an actual aspiration of anyone these days?....('aspiration?'....I'm thinking of someone choking to death on their poems!))...(sorry, there's nothing we can do for him...he's got afflatus stuck on his adams apple..)...at least compare your love to something more reliable and trustworthy....(reliable? trustworthy?.....no wonder my poetry is so bad!)
Anyway, I digress.
.... I heard fairly recently that it actually rains diamonds on Neptune! That would be something to see.
Am I the only one on the planet who didn't know this before? It seems that everyone I talk to (in my actual voice...not the interpretation you see here), claims to have already known this.
This prompts me to ask the question....
Did you know that there is such a thing...somewhere in the universe...as diamond showers?
Of course they are uncut diamonds, not polished gems.
This just in,
Life long contrarion denies extreme heat wave bothers him.
"I actually love it when it gets super hot like this", said Robert Thompson, 29, as his feet melted into a bloody, fatty puddle and stuck to the inside of his Crocs.
Would you drive a car called the 'Ford Ferret'?
Or the 'Pontiac Gorilla'?
I don't know about the Gorilla, but I'd drive the 'Kia Hyena'....seems like that would be fun times waiting to happen.
Imagine the ads....the voice of a disembodied 'Hyena spokesman'.....
"Where can YOU go in YOUR new 2014 Hyena?..." (stock footage of hyenas in Africa tearing apart a zebra carcass, as their cackling, snapping voices fill the frame)...."...anywhere adventure waits"...(????...of course the Kia Hyena would come in spots or stripes...)
"Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me now!
It's fun to have fun,
but you have to know how"
~ Dr. Seuss