Springy Eyeball Glasses, Rasputin, Special Head and Mariachi Music

Summer is almost here, although you wouldn't really know it from where I sit. We've had some fantastic warm days, but those are squished between soggy, cedar scented weeks that are dragging on and on. Still, it is almost summer, and the best thing about summer, (as everyone knows)  is the close to zero percent probability of hearing 'The Little Drummer Boy'. That alone makes the thought of stifling heat, forest fires and slip n' slide incidents worthwhile.

I think the world would be a better place if, one day a week, everyone would wear those glasses with the eyeballs hanging out on springs.

(Since that might cause a problem on the roads we should make it a rule that no one drives on springy eyeball glasses day.....or performs surgery..........or attempts a duet with Stevie Wonder....or inserts a dental dam on an unfortunate toothache sufferer (who is wearing his own pair of springy eyeball glasses...(it is after all, 'springy eyeball glasses' day!))

 Picture it.....people walking around....riding on buses.......in line at the Chinese smorgasbord....teasing kittens...

 

I read that there's going to be a movie about Rasputin. I can't wait to see it. Rasputin is a character from history who has always fascinated me. He's the Siberian peasant who supposedly cured Czar Nicholas' son of haemophilia and carried on in early 20th century Russian society as if he weren't a con man. He was besties with the Czarina and entertained numerous ladies of the upper crust with bible readings and healings, in exchange for political favours. Of course we all know that this whole situation turned out badly for Rasputin and for the Romanovs, although it did much to bolster disco music in the late 1970's.

 

Why are people never smiling in old photos from the late 19th - early 20th century? They always look so stern and greasy....'Stern and Greasy'! ...sounds like a law firm....or a country singing duet.

('Can't wait to see Stern and Greasy down at the 'Opry!')....

...now that I think of it, maybe their smiles just withered away, seeing as back then it took about five minutes to take a picture.

 

Speaking of the pseudo-mystic....did anyone else see this on America's Got Talent the other day?

 

 

Special Head indeed! I can't figure out what the trick is here....do you think it's possible that he is doing just what it looks like he's doing? ...which is balancing his entire, cross-legged body on one hand, on a walking stick? You can see the straining in his neck...and I've seen some acrobatic type people that can balance seemingly forever in really odd positions...I don't know...it's weird. Especially if you watch this after having smoked a joint.

 

If I've learned anything in my years as a human being, it's that I don't believe I detest anything as thoroughly as I detest mariachi music.

I hate everything about it. The annoyingly blaring horns, the little guitar-like instruments with the round backs...the shrill vocals...I just plain can't stand it.

 I especially hate it when people who like mariachi music put on one particular song and tell me, "You won't hate this one! It's awesome."

It's never awesome to my ears.

 

Here's Rasputin, which I suppose can be annoying if listened to first thing in the morning, but nevertheless is much preferred to mariachi at any time.

 

Peace everyone.

One Smart Horse, The Lady of Shallot

This is something I wrote back in 1998 while I was waiting for the bus in Vancouver, BC.

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Sitting in downtown Vancouver on a summer evening, waiting for the bus back to the Valley, a tremendous horse plods by lugging behind him a carriage load of gawking tourists. He is past his prime, not as sleek and muscled looking as I can imagine he used to be. Still, he seems strong, and confident, able and calm.

Must be a great horse. I mean, to not get upset or startled when buses, delivery vans and cars pass by him, inches close, every day. He just plods on, unaffected and staring straight ahead.
 

I suppose he has no choice but to look straight ahead, he, (like all city horses) is wearing blinkers so he cannot see from side to side, only straight ahead. Still, he seems so very unaffected by the traffic, the sirens, the shouting....the absurdities of city life. He's probably had this job for a long time.
 

Actually, he himself is probably the most absurd thing on the street, (not counting the maniacal, waving doomsday prophet on the corner of  Fruitcake and Paranoid).  Really, how weird is it to suddenly see a horse and carriage clopping down a busy city street?  Kind of makes you think that you've suddenly gone back in time at least a hundred years. Either that or the weed was
way better than you thought it was.
 

Mind you, that horse isn't pulling the buggy of his own free will. He has no will of his own.
 Gawd, he's so subservient.
 He's doing this whole quaint carriage trip because he has a four inch piece of steel strapped inside his mouth, and a fat guy in a stupid costume pulling on it. If I were in that position I would probably do what the guy wanted as well.

If he, (the horse) doesn't like it, if he really isn't happy with his lot in life...how can he say so? I mean, he's a horse. He doesn't have the power of human language. Oh sure....he could make his displeasure known through the use of body language, but that would be interpreted as aggression and he would be dealt with fairly damn quickly.
 

That horse is probably really smart....to go over all his options like that and in the end decide that it would be in his best interest to just humour the guy in the stupid hat and pull the damn buggy. He is, afterall, a horse, and therefore no idiot.
 

I hope the fat guy gives that horse an extra carrot tonight. I think he deserves it, and, being a horse and all he can't get one for himself...(no hands).

Sorry, my computer doesn't seem to want me to upload a pic of a horse pulling a buggy, so we must make do with a pic of the painting 'The Lady of Shallot', by JW Waterhouse.

Here's today's song:

 

 



Jean Stapleton, Reality Show Update and the Soggy Bottom Boys

I just heard that Jean Stapleton died today!

Gawd, the seventies are ending. I mean, I know they ended a long time ago, but now, almost all of the people who were a big deal in the '70's are dead. Edith Bunker...man......now both couples from the Jeffersons and All In the Family are dead.....oh, I guess that's not really 'almost all' of the stars of the '70's.

Still...

Time just keeps marching on, and here we all are.... Well, except for Archie and Edith Bunker. And so many other people.

I wonder what the stats are on that? Out of every person who ever existed...are most of them already dead, or are most living now?

I guess it's kind of a trick question, cause someone else is being born, every minute to take up the slack, or, fill in the gaps.

 

Here's a bit of the one when Edith hit a car with a can of peaches:

 

 

Another thing I saw on tv recently was that show 'Breaking Amish'.

 Am I the only person who's addicted to this show? I just think it's so interesting that there is an entire community in North America who basically know nothing about anything that is going on 'out there in the world'. And they're right here. On the same continent as we are....well, at least the same continent as those of us who live in North America...

The point is though, that they are right here with the rest of us, they don't really live in 1851...they just seem dead set against having any kind of convenience at all...it's as if time has literally stood still for them.  And they have all these crazy rules, like not being allowed to look at photographs....if the old man in charge of the community tells you you're not allowed to talk to your own son, then you don't talk to him.

That sounds crazy!

 "Well son, I'd like  to discuss this whole thing with you, but that old man over there says I shouldn't talk to you any more....what can I do? .....My hands are tied......tied...."

 

 

As far as the singing shows go....I don't know. I used to be so addicted to American Idol, and now here it's almost over and I forget who's even in it....wait a sec!  It's over I think.....YES! It is. It's been over for a while and I can't even remember who won. Who cares anyways?

I used to watch the Voice too, and now it just seems like way over produced country music, and I don't really like country music even when it's under produced.

 

There was a reality contest show on years ago that I really liked.

It was called, 'On the Lot'. It was a competition of these wanna-be directors. They would make a series of short films, and 'WE' would decide which one was the winner each week. 

Yeah, I know....it sounds super dorky, and I suppose it was, but I liked it... 

 

 

One of the absolute grossest things I've seen on reality tv is a show I saw about this guy who ate mainly insects, which, I know, disgusting as it is, is pretty common in some parts of the world, so that wasn't the super strange thing. What set this guy apart, and took him from a common ant-eater, to the level of a modern day freak, is the commitment he had to eating progressively more and more bizarre and monstrous bugs.

 He went so far, that he special ordered a gigantic, ugly, flattened out, filled with POISON, centipede looking thing....apparently it was so deadly that he was advised that to prevent his accidental and premature death he should not handle the thing while it was alive.

He froze it to death in the container in came in, and took it to a restaurant and they cooked it up for him.

I would have to be starving to death before I would eat something like that! And not just regular starving to death either....I'd have to be absolutely, completely devoid of any bodily nutrients, with a frame bonier than Bony Bonington, not a gram of nutrition any where near my body... and even then I probably wouldn't eat it.

 

 

That's just sick. A freezer filled with bugs....I wish I didn't see that. Now I have to bleach my eyes.

 

A little humour and bluegrass might do.

 

 

Peace everyone.



Let's Play, "Would you Rather?"

Hey everyone!
Recently I was asked a series of random, 'would you rather' questions, and I thought it would be a good idea to ask them of you.
Why should I have all the fun.

So, in an effort to brighten the day, and alleviate a little of the dreariness of the rainforest in spring, here we go:
 

1. Would you rather go back in time, pre 1860 and meet your ancestors, or go into the future, post 2200, and meet your great great great great great..(you get the idea) grandchildren? (Whatever you pick, you will be able to come back to present time and tell everyone about your journey. Let's say you'll be gone for about 10 days.)

 

2. Get a dream vacation for two, for two weeks, anywhere you want, or spend one week with anyone in the world, (living or dead...but if you pick a dead person they will be alive for your vacation...and they won't look like zombies, they'll just look, you know, alive.).. but you have to stay in  your home town?

3. Have really, super itchy arms, only when you're at work, or harmless (un-itchy) skin tags all over your face, all the time? (And don't think you'll be able to hide your itchy arms at work, or use calamine lotion..it won't work.)

 4. Drink a gallon of ketchup, or eat a kilo of peanut butter?....in one sitting. (No fluids of any kind allowed, only ketchup or peanut butter.)

 

5. Lick an old man's armpit, just once, or chew a detached, yellow toenail?

6. Have a pet dragon, or BE a dragon? (These are legendary, fire breathing dragons I'm talking about...not those real life Komodos that call themselves dragons but can't even breath fire. Plus, these dragons can fly.)

7. Only be able to whisper, or only be able to shout? (THIS MEANS ALL THE TIME, WHENEVER YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH,....not just whenever you want to shout or whisper.)

8. Be 4'2", or be 7'8"? (and nothing in the world will be adjusted to your size, you have to make do in a 'regular' sized world, just like real people who are 4'2" or 7'8")

9. Have legs as long as your fingers, or have fingers as long as your legs? (If you pick legs as long as your fingers, know that your feet will remain the size they are now.)

 10. Be best friends with Jermaine Jackson, or eat a steady diet of Madagascar hissing cockroaches for three months? (If you decide to be besties with J.J., please understand that there will be no ditching him at the club...he will follow you, call you and text you at odd hours...whereas, the three months of the hissing cockroach diet will eventually end. Although....no prep allowed. They must be eaten alive. Alive and hissing.)

11. Always cry at really funny things, or always laugh at really sad or terrible things? (No matter what you pick, you will be considered an asshole or a depressive....no worries though, you're due for another call from Jermaine any minute now. He'll make you laugh...and wish you were dead.)

Well, that was sort of fun....here's the song for today:

Peace everyone.



 

 

Waiting for the Sun, Smokey Robinson, My Cat as a Drunk and the Weather

I would like to formally register a complaint with whoever, or whatever, it is that controls the weather. Here in my part of the world, it has gone from sunny and very warm, to cold, rainy and windy. It's been a lot more like autumn than spring. We have spent far too much time waiting for the sun.

 

Hey! That reminds me of a song! In reality, just about anything can and will remind me of a song, but this one in particular is apropos of the weather situation here in the Fraser Valley.

Just feast your ears!...

 

 

 

 In other, un-weather related news, do you feel awkward when you're at someone's house for the first time?
It just occurred to me, (well, okay...not 'just', I'll admit. I've been thinking of this for a while...(I mean, mixed in with other thoughts too! This hasn't been my sole thought...anyways...))

...where was I?

 Ah yes. Awkwardness upon first time visits to a new friend's house. You know, the time between not being sure where you're allowed to sit, and feeling super comfortable in someone else's environment. I always feel more comfortable if the new friend visits me at my house, than if I go to their house. Not sure what that says, but I'm sure it means something psychologically.

 

What do you prefer, visiting a new friend at their house, or them coming to your house?

 

Here are some more questions I find interesting.

 

Have you ever been in a potato sack race?

Have you ever drank through a curly straw? What was the beverage?

Have you ever stolen anything worth more than $20?

Do you think Smokey Robinson is really nice looking? And by 'nice looking'', I don't mean attractive. I mean, I think he looks like a super nice guy....but, over the top nice...fake nice.....almost....dare I say it?. ..
Creepy Nice.
Like, he's so nice that you're not sure if he's gonna ask you for money or rape you....that kind of nice. I guess it's 'nice with an ulterior motive.

 

Of course, I assume that his creepy nice looks are the result of desperately trying to hang on to the tattered shreds of youth, (being in an industry where the main things that 'count', are fake niceness and fake youth)..and not being someone who would use charisma to get into either

 a., your wallet,

or b., your pants.

 

Now that we've got Smokey Robinson, musical genius, all figured out, it brings me to  the next question on this quiz.

(Yes, yes, that's right. This is a quiz.)

 

Do you think the term 'musical genius' is way over used?

These days it's like anyone who had a song on the radio for more than a couple of minutes is either a 'genius' or (if no one's ever heard of them), extremely underrated.

There are many of today's 'musical geniuses' that I haven't heard. And as for the underrated, sometimes they're underrated for a reason.

 

Don't laugh, young people. The day will come when you too will not recognize anyone on the cover of People magazine.

 

Some of the people who are hailed as the best thing since weeny roasts have no talent other than looking better than average in a hat. And that cannot be considered a talent. What that is, is a genetic fluke.

Gawd. How did I get on to this?

Have you ever thought of what kind of human being your pet would be? I mean, if he or she was human?
I think my cat would be a drunk....but one of those really needy, annoying drunks. She'd be the kind of drunk that calls up at one a.m., crying, and says stuff like,
 "I'm so fat...I'm so stupid"...
And I'd have no choice but to say, "Pearly, you're drunk. I'll talk to you tomorrow. ", and hang up.
I only say this because she is very needy as a cat, as a human she'd be intolerable.

And now, back to the weather.
Sun is poking through the damp and dreary sky...looks like it might be a day worth salvaging after all!

This is the Violent Femmes, Blister in the Sun....something that I don't think will be possible today, at least not here.

Peace everyone.

 

 

RIP Ray Manzerak

The other day, (yesterday to be exact) Ray Manzerak died. I know there are probably a lot of people who aren't sure who he is. Let me tell you. He was one of the founding members of the band The Doors, (the other being singer Jim Morrison).

He was a keyboard player. He was also one of those guys who was forever remembered, mostly, for stuff he did in his twenties.

Can you imagine that?

I'd hate to be remembered for a failed business and marrying badly.

That would suck. However, I digress.
 

When the Doors hit 'the scene' they were considered weird and dark.

I suppose for the time... when 'the scene' consisted mainly of people smoking weed all day, not bathing and twirling in fields... they probably were a little on the dark side, but I don't know about weird. What's weird to some folks is perfectly normal to others. Anyways, everyone's a little weird deep down.
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"Hey, we were in this house, and there was a sound...like silverware being dropped on linoleum. And then somebody ran through the room and they said....'Have you seen the accident outside?'.....

....and everybody said, 'Hey man, have you seen the accident outside?"

 

"Have you seen the accident outside? Seven people took a ride. Six bachelors and their bride...seven people took a ride....

 Don't let me die in an automobile. I wanna lie in an open field....I want the snakes to suck my skin...want the worms to be my friends...want the birds to eat my eyes....as here I lie, the clouds fly by."

- Jim Morrison's improve during a performance of 'The End'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Okay, maybe weird and dark sort of fits, but I like them. I have books of Jim Morrison's poetry, but this isn't about Morrison.
  At one time they, (the Doors) were pretty huge. If not for long.

Roadhouse Blues is still pretty popular...and so is Light My Fire....although, I think Light My Fire has, over the years, suffered from what I call, Stairway to Heaven syndrome. That is a song that, even though it's good, has been so drastically over played that no one, anywhere, ever wants to hear it again. Ever.
That's one reason why I can't frigging stand Snowbird by Anne Murray. Actually, I don't like much by Anne Murray, but Snowbird is so gawdawful that I want to pour bleach in my ear holes when I hear it. Call me a bad Canadian if you like, but oh my god, you have no idea! When I was a kid, every time a radio was on, anywhere in the world it seemed, you couldn't listen for twenty minutes without hearing that horrible voice......."snowbird take me with you when you go.....blah blah blah....."
Sorry, once again, I digress. But this is what happens when a song becomes a victim of it's own popularity....although, I can't figure out why Snowbird was ever popular....it's right up there with the Carpenter's song about birds flying around you...something like that. Terrible stuff. Compared to that, the Doors are refreshing and unique.
 

Anyways, Ray Manzerak was, as I said, the keyboard player. They were distinctive as a band because of that. They had a drummer, a guitar player, a singer and a keyboardist. The keyboard was part of what gave the Doors their distinctive, sort of  'end of the world' sound. And that's what Ray Manzerak did. He gave the Doors the sound they became known for, which is a great thing to be remembered for.

 

 

 

 

R.I.P.

Ray Manzerak

(Feb. 12, 1939 - May 20, 2013)

 

 

Also, I'd like to express my condolences and well wishes, (sorry, I know that sounds weak, but I can't think of any great emotive words right now) to the people of Oklahoma....and a shout out to family members in the suburbs of OKC....hope you're all okay.

 

 

Peace.

 



Worried Genius or Joyful Simpleton?, Forgetting how to spell and the Marx Brothers.

"Would you rather be a worried genius, or a joyful simpleton?"

 

That was one of the questions meant to prompt a response in the form of a blog post.
 

My first thought was, 'What the hell? I thought this was the Sears Catalogue email'....cause I get the Daily Prompts and the Sears flyers in my email, and sometimes I click on the one below the one I  actually meant to click on..........wait a sec......hold on here...is THAT how you spell 'meant'? It just doesn't look right....some words never look as if they're spelled right....hey,
do you ever forget how to spell a really, super simple word.....like 'was'?  And you write out what you think it is....
..'W....A....s (?)....is it s??....I don't think.....that just doesn't LoOK right....I don't think it's 's'....but what else could it BE?.....z (?)....NO, not Z...that's definitely NOT right!..'....
lol...do you ever have to ASK someone how to spell 'saw'?...That is way worse than just trying to figure it out on your own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, what was the subject?
Oh yeah, worried genius or joyful simpleton?
What would you choose.

Why do we always assume that simpletons are joyful, or geniuses are worried?
I'll bet there are some simpletons, somewhere, who are really hateful old bastards...just cause you don't know what's going on doesn't mean you like it.

And...there are probably geniuses who don't have a worry in the world. Laid back, happy go lucky geniuses.

That's a term you don't hear much any more....Happy Go Lucky....hmmm...wasn't that the name of the girl in that old Audrey Hepburn movie? Happy Go Lucky....
I think it was Breakfast at Tiffany's. I can't remember if she was a genius or not.

 

I don't know if geniuses should be considered worried, or just weird.
I'm serious. Most of the geniuses I've heard of are sort of wacky. I mean, social awkwardness aside.
 

I remember reading about some genius from way back ....like, a few hundred years ago....I can't for the live of me remember who he was, but he was one of those super geniuses.....
(the kind that would even have been super smart in our age, not just back when they used to drill holes in peoples skulls to let the evil spirits out)......
anyways, he was so shy, and so socially awkward that he rarely ventured out in to the company of others, but when he did, he would stand alone in the room, all nervous and sweaty, face the wall and ONLY the wall...and if anyone had a question for him they had to stand beside him, also facing the wall, (absolutely NO eye contact) and whisper the question.

...(Man,what humans had to go through to get information before the internet was ridiculous....I'd have to REALLY want to know something before I'd go up to some sweaty, pale, shaky guy staring at the wall, no matter how smart they told me he was...)...

If the genius wasn't gone already due to the panic that set upon him the minute another human being came within 11 feet of him....if he felt like he should restrain his flight response, (even though it might be bad for his bladder) and listen, shakily, to the question...if the asker was lucky he would whisper an answer...and flee for his live.
Most times he was gone way before the asker could hear the answer...I guess the whisper went with him.

I'll just go out on a limb and say that I think that most people who act like that aren't geniuses.

Apropos of nothing at all, here's a video of the Marx brothers in Duck Soup.

 

 Peace everyone.