Me and Daniel

Me and Daniel
Me and my then 8 year old son, 20 years ago.

Saturday 16 August 2014

Robin Williams

So, I may be a little late in expressing my surprise and shock at the sudden death of Robin Williams.....I don't know. It's crazy. I had heard over the years that he was an alcoholic and prone to depression, but I never would have guessed that he would one day be on the news for having have committed suicide.

Mind you, none of us actually knew him, (I'm assuming that no one reading this blog knew Robin) so what do we know? I have a feeling his friends and family were a little less surprised than the rest of us were.
 It is shocking to us, down here in the trenches, when we discover that a person's public persona is so much different than their every day life/personality.
We have this idea that the person we see on the screen, or hear on the radio, or encounter at a public appearance, is exactly as we perceive them, all of the time. 
Even though I didn't know Robin Williams, I know that no one can be 'on' all the time. That would be exhausting, even for the most seasoned performer. Exhausting, unnecessary, and frankly, weird.
It's really very common for 'out there' extroverts, and highly intelligent, creative people, to suffer the slings and arrows of addiction and some form of mental illness. Creativity seems to go hand in hand with being slightly cuckoo.

One of the things that I find really upsetting about this whole thing is how his daughter, Zelda, felt she had to delete all of her social media accounts because of trolls posting vulgar and upsetting messages and images. 
Isn't it enough that his children have to deal with the sudden and very public death of their father, they also have to wade through the shit posted by complete strangers? I find the behaviour of these trolls absolutely abhorrent.

What the hell is the matter with people?! It's one of the down sides of social media, I think, that certain people feel......I don't even know what they feel.....that it's their 'right' or something, to post this shit to people who are only trying to grieve their loss?? 
I wonder what is going through the minds of these, they're sitting there, in their trailers, one morning, over re-heated instant coffee, and suddenly the sticks in their tiny, wee brains start rubbing together, and they get to thinking, "I know what I'll do! I'll tell Zelda Williams exactly what I think of her and her stupid Dad!" 
I just don't understand these people. I can just see them, chortling and belching, spilling foul images from their slimy, sad, shrivelled hearts.
I wonder if these losers brag to their friends and family about what they've done?
"Yeah, so I really fucking gave it to Robin Williams' kids...."

I experienced a layman's version of this behaviour after my brother killed himself. I deleted my facebook account  because of vulgar messages left on my 'wall', telling me all kinds of shit about my brother, my self and my whole family. It was definitely bizarre and absolutely hurtful, and I can't imagine what it would be like to get thousands of these from complete strangers.

The thing is that we're all human beings. Even the few among us who have the misfortune to be famous to the rest, are still human, with the same emotions, problems and frustrations. People forget that. 
I mean,  money is great and many, many times I've wished (and still wish), that I had more of it, but it does not solve every problem. Most of us may be down here in the trenches, but a lot of well known, wealthy people are 'up there' in their own trenches.
 I've talked to some people who can't believe that Robin Williams took his own life because he 'had millions of dollars'. Well, my sad, unperceptive little friend, having millions of dollars does not necessarily mean that you'll have no issues, or find your life worth living.
His wife has disclosed that he was in the early stages of Parkinson's, but was not comfortable with making that information public yet. I just can't imagine having to make a public announcement about every major thing that happened in my me that would be a huge burden. Granted celebrities are accustomed to making announcements about their lives, still, maybe being accustomed to something doesn't make it easy to deal with. 
I'm not saying he took his life because of the Parkinson's, but maybe that diagnosis added to his depression. 
Alcoholism and depression are both deadly diseases. They should never be taken lightly because all they want to do is get you in a room, alone, and kill you, no matter your station in life.

I wish his family the peace, understanding and the togetherness they need at this time, and for the foreseeable future. It's a long, hard process, dealing with the suicide of a loved one. There are always so many questions, so many 'what ifs', so many, many ways to feel like you've failed the person. So many ways to make it your fault, and so much anger.
As time goes on you find yourself dividing your life in to two distinct segments....before the suicide, and after. The initial sting dulls with the passage of time, but the pain remains a constant in your life, even though, in time, it recedes, (I'm told) below the shoreline of your emotions.

In the way that it's possible to miss someone you never knew, I'm gonna miss him.


  1. I don't think he was an extrovert. He was a pretty private guy in general, not someone always out partying and all of that. Introverts, I think, have a harder time with those battles, because they have more time to struggle with them.

    1. True enough about introverts...watching him on talk shows, he certainly came across as extroverted, but I think people can be both, depending on the situation. A lot of performers are extroverted when they're 'on', and introverted in their every day lives.
      All I know for sure is that his family is going through a version of hell right now, and he will definitely be missed by all of us.

  2. Hello Eve. I agree that this world has lots of dumbasses who can't seem to wait to spew foul shit abut others. Suicide is something that cannot be fully understood except for those who have gotten to that point themselves. It is indeed sad when anyone takes their life but I will not be one to judge them. My thoughts go out to the Williams family and all I can say about all the jackasses that had the negative comments about this situation is this: Hope it made you feel like a big man or woman cause in my eyes at least it makes you look like a dumbass! Some things I'll just never understand. Sure hope you had a great weekend Eve. Enjoy the new week ahead also!

    1. Agreed! I will never understand why people do things like that. With social media it's easy to be anonymous, maybe that's part of it?? Anonymous or not though, I don't know how these people can look themselves in the face in the morning, knowing that they were deliberately cruel to people that they don't even's as if they don't consider people they see regularly in movies and the like to be real's very strange to me..the fact is that we're all human and I think no matter what career we choose, we have more in common than not....hope you have a great week too Ron!

  3. I thought it was really sad that the public attacked Zelda, too. I just don't get it. People need to be aware of this debilitating disease depression and substance abuse--there is a DEFINITE link between the two, and until we can research it and appreciate it, misconceptions will always surround us.

    1. There is definitley a link between addiction and depression...I don't understand either why people are so cruel to those suffering from either of those diseases. No one attacks some one for having diabetes, or's disgusting.
      Welcome to my circle Mama!


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