Odd and Ends

I have an idea for an app that will read all of your emails out loud in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. I settled on him when it struck me that the voice of Morgan Freeman is over done. I bet even Morgan Freeman is sick of the sound of his own voice...infact, Morgan Freeman is my first subscriber.

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I saw this woman on tv wearing a dress that had a big stupid belt that looked like a row of books, and I thought....."...wtf's the matter with you?"...and then she said,

"I'm a scarf collector?" 

She said it in that way where everything said sounds like a question.
.......oh. sorry. I mean...."sounds like a question?"....

She set women back two hundred years.
 Who collects scarves??? And why are they on tv talking about it? Aren't there more interesting collections we could be hearing about than scarves??
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I think that one of the most despicable things about first world countries is eating contests.
 Way to sock it to Calcutta!
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Speaking of Calcutta, this is a recipe I'd like to try one day:

Beet Patties
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~ some grated beets with most of the moisture squeezed out...there will still be some moisture, but the beets should be as dry as is humanly possible..I mean, short of doing something like...say...putting them in the dryer...just squeeze them vigorously between some paper towels and they should be fine.

Mix together:
~ 2 eggs
~ sprinkle of oats
~ some coconut oil
~ a bit of olive oil
~ feta cheese...put quite a lot of this in....unless you want these to be vegan
~ some sliced up fresh basil

 Mix it all up together and then add the dried, grated beets...get in there with your hands and moosh it all together. (Your hands and fingers will turn purple so don't make these if you're going to be doing something serious and important later on....something for which purple fingers will be frowned on.)

Fry the patties...(before this step you need to ball up portions of the beet mixture, and flatten the balls to form into patties)...in a little olive oil for a few minutes on each side. They should stay together. If they do fall apart you can turn it into ground beet stew.

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Willie Nelson looks like if Pippi Longstocking was an old man.
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This is what I just heard on t.v.:

"Tomorrow on City Line...how to decorate a long narrow room."

...come on people! It's time we moved beyond this drivel! ..at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Then I start thinking about how it actually is that the long narrow room is decorated...and I find myself wondering about what would happen if I ever found myself in a long narrow room with absolutely no idea about where to put the blacklight doodled butterfly poster, or if the couch should go along one of the short walls, or one of the long walls....just how long do the long walls have to be to qualify as a long narrow room... And what about wallpaper? Is that ever okay in any long narrow room? ....I'll never know these things now because I've missed that episode thinking it would be meaningless spittle..
...or, I should say, I'm planning to miss that episode.(?)