Summer, People of Walmart, Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum

It's finally here.
 After many long, dark, damp and chilly days, my part of the world has chosen to put  up with summer, just like most of the rest of you have been doing for some time now....not that it's really a choice...the weather will do what it's been doing for millions of years...whatever it wants, and there's precious little we can do about it.

Today's  temperature is expected to slither up to 31 degrees, which, for all you Americans out there,  is about ten million degrees Fahrenheit.

In celebration of a return to sweaty, slimy, smelly, lethargic days, here's a fantastic oldie you can melt to!

I suppose I shouldn't be so hard on summer, it's always been perfectly reasonable with me...what with the nights spent trying to sleep feeling as if I'm wrapped in a dozen electric blankets, (all set to 'HELL') and the days trying to accomplish something other than stewing in my own gravy (ewwwww!)



This season of fire and ants and sweat is, however, not entirely without laughs...after all, if it weren't for summer I, (and you) wouldn't be privileged to the hilarious sights of  'People of Walmart'...

Yes, we have them here in Canada too...both Walmart and the curiously dressed citizens of the same.
I wonder whether it's the heat, the lure of cheaply made melamine dinnerware, or the built-in fine dining establishment, McDonald's, that make some people believe that it's okay to leave the trailer park without pants.

Is it possible that every single one of these ridiculously inappropriately dressed patrons is operating under the assumption that they blend?

Not that it's preferable, or even desirable to blend in with the crowd.
 I really don't want you to get the idea that I'm all about conformity, because that is simply not the case....I'm a true advocate for individual expression in attire...

(you should see some of my own outfits....some of my family call me crazy for wearing them..and I tell them that poor people are crazy, I'm eccentric...

(wait a sec, hand me my purse...shit...I've got $5.21 on me...I think it's against some law to be eccentric when you have so little cash....crazy it is!))

Another thing that I really don't care for when the temperature rises, are all the funky odours in the air, most of them coming from some packed gathering of humans,...my god, there's  nothing ranker than a bus full of humans on a sweaty summer day.

I think I'm pretty safe in assuming that no one really likes that smell.. Is there anyone at all out there who is willing to raise their hand and say,

"Oh! Pick me! I do!! I love the smell of Stinky McStunksmith in the middle of July!....especially if they're wearing lots and lots of Patchouli!"

I didn't think so. (Put your damn hand down Horshack!)

Still, it is a good season, possibly the best, for picnics and camping and boating.

Something about unbearable heat makes us want to haul our smelly selves into the woods to live for a weekend with nature, in our campers...

Not that the nature is in the campers with us....the nature is outside.

 It must always be kept at a distance, whether we are in a camper, or in our apartment/house/trailer home...nobody likes it when nature gets dragged into the abode...or worse, forces its way in..

 

We like to feel at one with nature, yet, we are removed from it by so many degrees that it is pretty much impossible to return to it, although I suppose we all do eventually.

Some people are real 'back to nature' types...as you've probably guessed, I'm not one of them. Don't get me wrong, I love animals....trees and birds make me giddy, (not sure if that is genuine giddiness or simply a head rush brought on by a sudden influx of fresh, fresh air..) but I'm not someone who thinks it would be a good idea to live in the woods...if I had a proper house in the woods...maybe....(I'd need a decent internet connection and a sumptuous cable package.)

It all sounds so 'Hansel and Gretel' ....a house in the woods...probably made of candycanes and the bones of misguided children...getting dressed with the help of woodland creatures....serving broth to a gaggle of short, pudgy, men...who, despite all working full time in a diamond mine, haven't got the price of a poisoned apple between them...

Have a great day no matter how hot it is where you are!